Hellllooooooooo! Is anyone there? If you are, as you know, I'm hardly ever on my blog these days. Ever since I got better, I started homeschooling, and it's hard to find the time and the energy to keep up with anything, let alone my blog.
But you know what? I miss sharing my thoughts. I miss hearing from my readers. I miss just rambling on my blog like I used to do so often. It happens a lot that I go to bed and think of some "amazing" thing ("yeah, right!") to share on my blog, but I'm just too tired to do it.
In the beginning, I rambled on my blog A LOT. I did it to gain readers for my books (after all, that's what the publishers said to do), but once I got started, the more I enjoyed it and had something to say.
Then cancer hit. Ever since getting better, I've been feeling overwhelmed with life. I can't do enough! And I wonder how anything got done when I was so sick.
Which brings on the following thoughts. As many of you know, I beat my cancer with a vitamin. Plain and simple. Vitamin B17. I was so blown away with the simplicity of it, I had to share the news with one and all! And I did! I started a blog about it, made some YouTube videos about it, and told as many people as I could. In fact, I thought I was finally living up to my name. The name "Sandi" means "Helper and Defender of Mankind." Despite all these highs and hopes for saving lives, I'm feeling rather down ... discouraged.
Why am I discouraged? Because Vitamin B17 isn't healing EVERYONE. Even when they do all the "right things." Why is that, Lord? Why? I've been asking Him that a lot lately. Then it occurred to me.
God has all our days numbered. Job 14:5 "A person's days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed."
This made me realize . . . yes, God used B17 to heal me, but really and foremost, it was GOD who healed me. I mean, I KNEW this already, but did I really know it was ALL Him? He wasn't ready for me to come home yet. I did ask Him to promise me something if He did take me away from here. I made Him promise me that He'd find someone who would love my kids as much as I do and get them to heaven in the end. Well, He let me live, so I got my answer. I was the best one for my kids, even when I thought I wasn't. But that's another subject.
Allow me to repeat something important here: GOD let me live. Sure, He may have used B17 to do it, but when it comes down to it, HE saved my life! He gave me more time on this planet, just like He did for Hezekiah (Isaiah 38:5 and 2 Kings 20:6). He gave him 15 more years to live (and then Hezekiah blew it; I can't tell you how much I pray I don't end up like him in the end).
Anyway, I just can't help but give God the glory He DESERVES, and I fear I haven't done enough of that. I had two different individuals (when I first got better) say I was giving this vitamin more glory than I was God for my survival. The fact that TWO DIFFERENT people approached me with this should have made me realize that I wasn't giving God enough of the glory. Don't get me wrong, I always believed HE saved me, but I also put too much faith in this vitamin that's not working for everyone. Plain and simple. I should be spreading the gospel of salvation the way I've been spreading the "gospel" of vitamin B17!! Wouldn't that be a much better calling? To get excited about God's ETERNAL salvation for mankind?
God, I love You. Please forgive me for not giving You the total glory. Help me to be pleasing to You. Help me to calm down and rest in You. In Jesus' Name. Amen. I love You, Lord!