I cry when I go to bed, and I cry when I wake up. You see, my stepdad has been diagnosed with T-cell Lymphoma, the same type of cancer I have, only it’s thankfully not in his blood. But he’s been undergoing chemo therapy for several months now. Then a precious sister from our home congregation was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just a few months ago. Her youngest is the same age as my oldest (18). The mother, Meg, died on Saturday night, and and she’s leaving behind three kids, the oldest just graduated from college, and the middle is serving in the military. Her poor husband is now alone during this time that he and his wife should be experiencing that “empty nest” feeling and celebrating each other. I’m just heart broken! This is such an encouraging family. Meg was ready to go. She doesn’t want anyone wearing black to her funeral, which is this Thursday evening. Meg has the right attitude because it’s not about this life. She was ready to be with her Lord and Savior.
But I don’t have the right attitude. I’m so upset about Meg’s loss! Okay, it’s not her loss, but OUR loss. I’m upset that God would see fit to take this godly woman from our lives at this time. At a time where she’s going to miss her oldest son’s wedding, at a time where she’ll never meet her future grandchildren or be here for her family in ways we mother’s dream of being here. I’m so sad and hurting for her family, I can hardly write this post.
In the past year we’ve lost approximately eight people to cancer and other diseases in our home congregation. The congregation I belonged to just nine months ago, is not the same place. So many loved ones are missing. Yes, I know they’re in better places, but all I can think about are those left behind. I’m hurt and I’m angry.
I even feel guilty for surviving. I shared that with my husband and he told me to cuddle on the couch with my two youngest (ages four and eleven), and after that, the guilt went away. So, while I know God knows what’s best in every situation, I’m still upset and wailing that my sister Meg Stewart is gone.
As for me, my liver enzymes have doubled. They say it's nothing to worry about. Either they think it's the drugs I'm on or I'm suffering from graft vs. host disease. They don't know yet. I've been getting stronger. Went to church for the first time last Sunday, so I'm just taking one day at a time.
Please pray for Meg's family.
Love you all.