Monday, August 16, 2010


I’m a horrible blogger. I didn’t understand why I could write tons of fiction but be so lousy at blogging. Well, I discovered this isn’t anything new, really. When I was in high school, I could sing quite well when I pretended to be someone else. You know, like when I played the character Ado Annie in the musical Oklahoma. I did great then! But if the choir director asked me to sing something as little-ole-me, well, my confidence went in the toilet.

It was easy to pretend I was a fabulous singer when I was playing a part, pretending to be someone I wasn’t. But when I couldn’t pretend and I had to be “me,” I suddenly became terrified. What if they hated me? What if I couldn’t find the right note? What if . . . well, you get the picture.

I recently discovered, I have this same phobia when it comes to writing. If I’m hiding behind a character, I’m more confident. I can write as long as I’m pretending I’m a certain character. As long as I’m not “me,” I’m fine.

But lately, I’ve found “me” slipping onto the page. Not that I interfere with my characters and who they really are (although, there are times I’ve done that and had to clean up the mess I made). The truth is, I’m finding that my lack of confidence is seeping into my work. So often I find myself doubting. Who said I could write? I have no business rubbing shoulders with other authors who’ve been published over and over again. Who do I think I am?

That’s when I accepted the fact that I simply couldn’t do this alone. There was no way I could write the stories I want to write without a helping Hand.

You see, when I was in seventh grade, I was tested at a third-grade reading comprehension level. They eventually got me up to speed at a tenth-grade reading level, but with that kind of history, I really don’t feel like I belong in this world of writing! Again, the question plagues: Sandi, who do you think you are?

Well, now I have an answer! I AM NOTHING. I AM NOBODY! That’s who I am! So there!

Really. Without God, I am nothing. That is why I pray over everything I write. I ask God to make my stories pleasing to Him. I ask Him to help me when I can’t figure out how to word a sentence. I pray over every paragraph, every scene, and every chapter in my work. I ask Him if it’s pleasing to Him, and if it’s not, will He please show me how to fix it before it’s too late. I ask Him how I can make something sound “better.” I ask Him to guide me in every way in the hopes that my work will lead people to Him.

While I write, I imagine Him behind me, guiding my clumsy fingers over the keyboard. When I get excited about something, I thank Him for what we accomplished. He is my mentor. My teacher. My strength.

I’d like to be able to say I do it all on my own, to strut around and claim every accomplishment was reached because of my great skill and talent, but the reality is . . .

HE has made me what I am: a professional editor and an award-winning author.

Through my weaknesses, He has always been strong. And I can guarantee you, if I get a haughty attitude, I’ll end up flat on my face. Ouch! I’m constantly growing, improving as a writer and storyteller, and I’ll continue to grow as long as He leads me.

There’s a reason I write Soli Deo Gloria (To God’s Glory) after my stories. I pray my stories will glorify His Name and encourage people to look for Him and to Him for the answers. In what better Hands can I put my work, my hands, my life?

Thank You God for being my confidence and for making me ME!


  1. Sandi, you are someone very important to me. You have given me the confidence that I can write. Don't forget how much you influence lives. I love you so much. To me you are my adopted daughter, my mentor, my teacher and my encourager. Remember that!

  2. Thanks, Tennyson! I love to see you here. :-) Hope you're enjoying that lovely house of yours!

    Kathy, saying "You're so sweet," just doesn't cut it. What an honor it is to be called your "adopted daughter." I'm touched and humbled. Thank you for loving me. It's so nice to feel loved! :-) I love you too, by the way!

  3. Great message, Sandi. I think we all struggle with this realness. Its so hard. I can't wait to read your book.

  4. Thanks so much for commenting, Julia. It's encouraging to know when folks are actually reading when I do dare to write on this blog of mine. I also can't wait for you to read my book! LOL I'll be shouting from the rooftops when it's available. I think I'll also offer a giveaway of it on my own blog. That'll give me something to write! tee hee!

  5. Yes! From another nothing nobody, Sandi.